He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
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His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
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If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
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