I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
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We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
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You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
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