so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
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