tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
Randomize