Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
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fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
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He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
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