Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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