he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
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