we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
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I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
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I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
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