is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize