Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
she smelled like a LAN party
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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