I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
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