I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
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