My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
Randomize