I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
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Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
The air was thick with penises
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
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Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
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