when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Randomize