then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
Randomize