i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
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