I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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