apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
Randomize