Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
it's great music for shaving your balls
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
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