Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
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