is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
He passed out mid-signature
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
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