Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize