Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
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We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
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I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
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