I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
two words: eviction party
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
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