If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
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You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
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We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
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