We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
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She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
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Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
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