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Tell her she can't have a vagina
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
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