Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
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Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
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Come back. Shots need mouths.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
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