I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
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