last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
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Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
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You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
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