I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
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We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
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IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
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