once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
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