Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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