I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
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