When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
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And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
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I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
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