just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
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