my phone needs a breathalizer
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
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