They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
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I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
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She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
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