My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
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You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
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I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
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