but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
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