Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
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They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
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