I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
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