I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
Even the bartender felt bad for me
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
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