You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
worst night to have a conscience
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
Randomize