4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
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