i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
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i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
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You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
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