I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
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