fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
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We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
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You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
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