I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
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I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize